Tuesday, February 28, 2012

All Kinds.


"I let them think what they want, if they care enough to bother with what I do, than I'm already better than them."                           -Marilyn Monroe

Let it be...baby, breathe











Further than I've ever been

Last night I was talking with a very close friend, and she is someone I confide in and I can talk to her about absolutely anything and while we talk we just go from topic to topic, its actually quite amusing. We'll be talking about shopping, than all of sudden its about religion and illuminati...How many of us can really say that besides their family they have someone else close to talk to, someone they really trust and really want whats in your best interest, as time has been progressing I've gone thru the weirdest, most crucial reality checks that have come the slimming down of people in my life has really cute down to my family and a few I can count on one hand, and really everyday i'm realizing thats all I need and at this point all I want.

Basically...I was gonna write about one thing but I got to listening to the rain, and my thoughts went else where, I truly love Seattle there's something soothing and comforting about the pouring of rain on the rooftops and windows.

I have a friend who is going thru somethings with her boyfriend, I should say ex-boyfriend, and with this situation it got me to think and in some weird way has taken a toll on me on realizing how far i've come from that. So lets just say that her ex isnt the best guy and theyve been together for a while and I definitely dont condone the way he is with her, but ive always been there, till lately she would continue to go back after a huge disagreement,repeat the same pattern and the outcome would always come out so terrible always worse than the last time. It got to the point where I didnt wanna hear about it anymore and almost to where I threatened our friendship because of it, but that was wrong of me yeah I was sick and tired of hearing how he did this and that to her and she would cry and I hated seeing her like that. I just didnt wanna be around it, I remembered not to long ago a couple months back I was in that horrible situation, I felt like I had NOBODY I felt abandoned,used, confused, hurt, sad angry, I just didnt know where I was at and if I could pull myself thru and me turning my back on her when she needed me most was wrong to even think because that exact situation happened to me, the one person I trusted with everything basically abandoned me. Now when I look back and I see my friend and I was that girl who had no idea where life was gonna take me, I can tell her that I'm further than i've ever been and I'm so happy, I've never loved myself more. All of this happened to me not to long ago, I thought I wouldnt make it, now I look back and see I did it day by day I became stronger and now no one can take that away from me, yes her situation is terrible one but it made me realize that I was her once , I thought I could never get thru it and now look where im at and how happy I am.

Believe in yourself, trust God will make a way... And ALWAYS, ALWAYS LOVE YOURSELF, cause no one can take that away from you.

Monday, February 20, 2012

I have the cutest niece


Babygirl and I had a skype date,we talked about the weekend how I was going to Ellensburg but on Sun. she was all minee! I have the most beautiful, intelligent, aware niece she's truly the biggest blessing she really did come straight from God she is the sweetest, such a big girl she does not want be treated like a baby...hahah I seriously have withdrawals if I don't see her, so we skype and she tells me about her day lol, I got to spend all Sun. with her when I got back from Ellensburg, I picked her up to babysit we listened to Chris Brown on the drive home she LOVES him! I thought she would fall asleep she was awake the whole ride playing with her toy in the back flexing lol she cracks me up, we got home got a fresh diapeyy a bottle we played and skyped with uncle mike she took a long nap! I love spending time with this little person she's my faveee:)

rich forever.


I don't care what anyone says about Rick Ross, Rich Forever is amazing, go listen!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I'm just in one of those moods...

So basically today let me start by saying was shittyyyy! I had the strangest night,not to mention yesterday was Valentines day and the morning started off amazing gifts,love,flowers, recognition and all..than after that,a bottle of red wine was opened the chocolates broke out and so did the tears...lets just say my night did not end well, so I woke up a tad hungover and still pissed off, I was also late for work my tank was on completely empty, just you know all around shitty and I didn't eat breakfast so I was starvinggg...so my lunch break comes around and I try to you know look on the positive side of things but with my luck shit still continues to hit the fan, so all that needs to be said is, I see someone who I dont wanna see and Im gonna speak on that: Because Im a different person now, and I wont allow petty shit like that to get to me, I will always be neutral I will pay you no mind,nor will I be rude. I would just think that after all this time you would get over shit, and have learned not to compete against me cause I will win,I have won... and baby hate to break it to ya i'm still winning! On the brighter side after I thought my day couldn't get worse it actually started to turn around I went to the mall and did some retail therapy bought some cool new things,went back to work and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon outside, came home to find roses siting outside my house<3 It made me realize to stop sweating the stupid stuff and somewhere out there someone loves you and wants you to be happy and is always thinking of you...even when its not valentines day so I got flowers 2 days in a row im a happy girl and theres nothing over here but shmmilleeeesss:)

detach.

"Learn to detach...Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent... But detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate fully. That's how you are able to leave it... Take any emotion--love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I'm going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that love entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, 'All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment." - Mitch Albom

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Please go visit this site, Its ran by my dearest accomplice. There's so much on there clothing,music, jewelry etc... check it out you wont be disappointed! It's not just a brand it's a lifestyle.

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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

damn...my reality just set in

My frustration with people lately has been over the top, my level of I DONT GIVE A FUCK has been at all time high, maybe it has to do with the fact that i'm working on me as a person, i've just never really realized how selfish people can be and how long they'll play out the victim card its like at one point or another just get over it and move forward with life things aren't that bad, theres a whole beautiful world around you so much to learn and do why focus on all the negative things there so many positive things to be grateful about. I out of all people understand the whole grieving and hurting process...but really? like whats the point of holding a grudge, in the bible Jesus say to forgive and continue to forgive nobody's perfect and you sure as hell aren't God so who are you to hold something over anyones head and if you can't forgive and move forward your just showing how selfish you really are. As for me I can say at this point  in time of my life people have done some cruel things to me, I have no animosity towards anyone things that have happened in the past are over and done with...nothing I can change, the past is the past and it belongs in the past because you cant change it your suppose to just move on and learn from it.

I've just been keeping to myself lately because I just feel there's no one I can really relate to anymore, conversation is something I enjoy mentally I can take you there and back I love talking to people and learning new things the mind is such a beautiful thing we've been blessed with so why stop educating ourselves knowledge is power, Im just starting to enjoy spending more and more time alone, thinking, reading, and learning. Music has been my best friend thru all this, cause it can take me back to a certain memory by just listening to a certain song, I can relive something, its therapeutic I like to listen and be inspired by words that actually mean something. The other day I was drinking red wine of my favorite things ever:) and listening to instrumentals it was one of the greatest escapes I've ever had I did lots of planning set goals and just thought, it was a freeing feeling, I encourage all of you reading this just to let go of the past, insecurities, people you feel that are holding you back again this always comes back to you, DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. I mean I'm not that old I'm 21 years old but, I feel like in that time period I've done some pretty cray things...we've all done things were not proud of but that was in the past and i've learned from them I'm a different person i'd be damned if I make the same mistake twice, I only allow myself to fuck up once and get the fuck on with it,thats life...something I'm learning is to "LET GO, LET GOD." It's hard but trust he's there and he loves you more than anyone else could more than you can imagine so trust him and its amazing how far a little faith can go.

on the brighter side it is Valentines Day and a, Happy Valentines day indeed it has been for me:)

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

But even a fool knows when its Gold...

My personal life, is "personal" everyone in my business all the time when i'm not putting out there to be shared is annoying. I'm in control of my own happiness and part of my new revamping is along the way I've learned that by letting everyone in is making yourself vulnerable and more prone to getting hurt, almost every situation I can think of where I let someone in they've used what they know against me and it's not happening anymore. What happens in my life is for me and its sacred to me, I don't wanna share anymore ." In order to get and outcome you've never had before, you must do something you've never done before, by doing the same thing every time you will always get the same outcome." 


Sunday, February 5, 2012

lightweight.

This is all so new...

Light on my heart, light on my feet Light in your eyes I can’t even speak
Do you even know how you make me weak

I’m a lightweight...


Better be careful what you say
With every word I’m blown away
You’re in control of my heart


I’m a lightweight...


Easy to fall, easy to break
With every move my whole world shakes
Keep me from falling apart

A Beautiful Awakening Has Happend In My Soul.

So... I haven't updated in a while, from my last blog entry I was being sincere and true to MYSELF in finding ME. Since than I have done lots of revamping to my life and I can't stress how amazing its been to make me happy and splurge on me:) its been nice so a quick update on life...
First off my dad was on vacay in Australia for 2 weeks visiting our family there! Jelly...I def was considering its summer there and it was 95 degrees hmm... He came back bearing gifts! He bought me these gorgeous Emerald diamond ear rings from Proud Jewelers (an Australian Ben Bridge basically) LOVE them! He also brought UGG gloves authentic from the UGG Australia store along, with an UGG coin purse very cute! He's now back and sick but he had an awesome trip and made it back safely!

In between time my bestest came home from the Dirty-E! Gahhh I LOVE IT WHEN SHE COMES HOME AND WE FUCK SHIT UP TOGETHER! We celebrated a friends birthday, of course always a good time with her:)



SOOOOOO KILLAAKASSS was home shout out to her which I need to speak on cause I don't think people really understand how much I freaking adore her! She has been there for me thru some of my hardest battles, and has always respected and supported my decisions, wether she agreed with them or not. That takes a lot, to be there UNCONDITIONALLY, she's amazing, such a beautiful person inside and out, strong willed and self motivate there aren't many like that anymore! I can depend on her thru anything and I hope she knows I'm here for her too! It sucks she goes to school so far but, when were reunited its always a parlaaay! I wish everyone could have a friend like her i'm so lucky and blessed to have her crazy ass in my life!

Last but definitely not least my family I spent the past saturday with my family all day. I'm so blessed I cant even emphasize on it enough,how many people can sit in a room listening to music, chill and smoke hookah with their fam and it not be awkward?...lol I CAN! I was raised with such strong family values and morals that at this point I couldn't even imagine life without them,I truly feel sad for the people who don't have that in their life, I highly encourage to be in tune with your fam cause in the end besides yourself, your family is all you have. My family is beautiful,strong and each one of us has a story and a different outlook on life, which makes us all unique and truly made in God's beautiful image, I love spending time with them. In my adolescent days I took advantage of it since things we pretty much made for me I didn't appreciate being around or the luxury of having them around but, now that I'm older and learned a lot more its different spending time with them is something I cherish so much, I can talk to them about anything and I hope they feel the same cause I'm always here for them, for whatever they need whenever they need it. It's crazy to think how grown we are, and exactly where we are in life I couldn't be any more proud of them they've become such beautiful souls inside and out. Their hearts our filled with so much compassion, I had to stop myself just last night and think how lucky I am to have them.I love you guys sooo much! and I'm soo proud of you:) continue on being amazing God has so much in store for you and I know sometimes life can beat us all down but, as long as we have each other and you believe, everything will always be ok, thats all you need! Don't let the world get the best of you, your so much stronger than it! I'm always here and I love you.

babygirl, she's so precious on our car ride to the mall.


"Seattle is such a beautiful place but, it's filled with such ugly people." -killak

The winter's been a hard cold one but, I'm back on both feet strong and this time I don't think I can be knocked over, with school starting for me in the spring,this amazing gym i've joined and this new fresh, positive outlook i'm having on life this year will be my year..like Drake says " I think maybe I was numb to it last year but, you know I feel it now more than ever." This will be the year that I won't even feel shit, God has blessed me beyond my belief that sometimes I stress about the little things that aren't important and forget to count my blessing, just a reminder mostly for me, but anyone who this applies to God is there, He listens, He loves you more than anything, He created you...He know your insides and out, every hair on your head, your every want and need, He wants whats best for you and at times we don't understand it but it's always a lesson to be learned,and it's always in our favor. 

xoxoRanita