if anything my best friend...

I keep finding my inner joy being shuffled against mixed emotions, I was disrespected in my safe zone, my home for the past 4 years going on 5 I've been trying to find the peace and clarity that this relationship gave me and every time I look back I find it wasn't me, it was you...I've done my wrongs and I've learned from it I'm not perfect, but for that one wrong I've had to suffer and continuously be penalized for a mistake that i've learned and grew from most importantly didn't make again. As for you, I always begged you to stay, I was the one to fix it, I was the one who did everything in my power to make it work even while you were away. Yet you still seem to hold this one thing over my head, I think back to all the times I felt emotionally raped and battered by your words, sometimes even your actions, why did I not leave, or turn my back on you...How did I find it within myself to forgive you? For the mistakes that you made sometimes the same ones more than once. How did I not ignore you and make you feel alone...If I sat here and held you accountable for everything you've ever done to me we'd be no where near here, but I always forgave you with open arms, love is the sickest addiction and pure love is the hardest drug, I've witnessed it with you and i'm still trying to wean myself off of it. How can you listen  to people who know nothing about us and just turn and walk away like I was nothing...I may have lost you in a certain form but I know I love you and always will but more than anything you were my best friend someone who I confided in for everything, and you were my everything. You know you can call me for anything whenever...I was always the one you came to first for a piece of mind, i'm glad I could always help.I guess this is goodbye for now, my heart hurts and no one will ever understand so stop trying to make it to where they do, cause they don't you said it yourself.One day you may wake up and realize what you did, but you and I both know no one will ever compare to what we have and no one will ever love you the way I did and go the above and always beyond for you.If anything I lost my best friend, and that feeling right there is indescribable.

"We were bigger than anything,remember us at our best."