blk&blu

It's almost been a year to date of this blog being everything I needed. Its ridiculous to think all this time has gone by and nothings really changed, scrolling thru the different posts made me realize everything is changed and embarking on a new year will make the journey that I just came thru as real as it gets. I wanna thank any one who's read and commented and I still receive emails about how I've inspired someone and that feeling is everything to know that someone else in the world felt maybe the way I did and i helped them by explaining that hope is real.

So far in my life the oh very complicated life I live, i've been struck by a series of unfortunate events not only with affairs of the heart but just how cruel the world can be and being so caught up in feeling its a deep deep hurt I have. Sometimes I feel as if I do all these "good deeds" and acts of kindness from the bottom of my heart in the most sincere way, for not anything in return but knowing I made a difference for someone else. I feel like due to this my faith constantly is being tested I believe there IS God, I believe he loves me but I don't why I've had to endure so much pain. I often wonder where all these lessons come from its always a blessing in disguise but I can't say it hurts any less. People always ask me "how do you just shut people out you make it look so easy, you can just completely shut someone down as if they never even existed in your world,you can continue on with your day with a smile as if nothing hurts you like you dont have a care in the world" I responded Ive been heart so many times, that you just learn to cope it becomes a natural habit as eating and sleeping are.Truth to that, I care,I probably care to much but showing that emotion is a sign of weakness, and when someone knows you're weak they take your vulnerability for granted, I won't let the world make me cold,everything I do, I do it whole heartedly knowing there's a chance I may be hurt, but the fact being in the end regardless if I get hurt or not I know I put my all into it.

It's sad to see people lack the passion and drive for new experiences because they go on what they know ignorance lingers everywhere. Knowledge is power,learning is such a beautiful thing. Learning something new and applying it to life for the first time brings a simple joy, just as a child learns to write a letter for the first time. Freeing your mind is never enough. If the world knew more would accidents happen?