I'm gonna need a moment, cause moments last forever.

The realest thing anyone has ever said to me or about me touched my heart in so many different ways...

" Your problem is you get attached fast, and once you're attached to someone you do everything you can to please them, and make them happy, its never about what you want its always everyone's needs before your own, you give out to many chances to people who don't deserve it, they take advantage of you, and you become a pushover, but you're okay with that because they're still in your life, and that's all you ever really wanted, and even if they screw you over you'll still be there for them because that's YOU, that's who you are, once you get attached to someone they have a hold on your heart, and they now always have a place there and that's why its so hard for you to let go you need to protect yourself not everyone is like you."

The world is such a cruel place you never really know someones intention with you, I've been caught in an emotional battle with trying to figure out what I'm doing, the way I've been trying to deal with it is embracing each moment and taking it for what it is...but how can you do that when eventually more time is spent, more intimate conversations are shared and feelings grow. You catch yourself thinking about moments you wish you could go back to,moments are everything and lately the moments that I've encountered have been stuck clouding out all my other thoughts. My hearts involved, all i'm needing is the word. So either attachment or detachment can happen. 

not unless your hearts in it...

I've been striving for the zen and more in things lately. May started so exciting I fell into new and celebrated so much time with family, so many good memories were made than in a blink of an eye you almost feel as if everything just falls apart, I wanted nothing more than to embrace a moment for everything it was I put my all into it as I do in everything I do why do it if its not whole heartedly. I always try to find the good in people and lend that helping hand in any one in need not because I have to but because it makes me feel good that I can, my best friend and I were talk and she said "Your just non-judgemental, you always try to save everyone, but dont change its not you, not everyone is like you, YOU JUST NEED TO LEARN HOW TO PROTECT YOUR HEART MORE." When she said that last part of me protecting my heart it spoke to me so much, because my intentions are always for the good I try to ignore all the negativity m heart is pure and for that reason I find that people find it easy to take advantage of me. I refuse to be that fool anymore, I will continue to be the kind loving person who always wants to help but in a different way, I never ask for anything in return but for your kindness, mind and sometimes even your heart. I was blessed to have the window of opportunity to make things happen so why not be that for someone else.

a fool in lust.

I dont expect anyone to understand, the reason why I do things the way I do them, lately I've embraced every situation the best I know how, for me thats new im always the preserved one who'll take the quiet safe route just so nobody gets hurt. The one time I step out and actually live a little everyone around me freaks out, Im not expecting to fall in love over night I just want to be me, I feel stuck with no personal space a part of that is my fault for wanting to share with everyone how im feeling or my current joy, in that ive ended up here where I always do where the thrill is gone,and I find myself looking for the nearest exit, the escape route im looking for is due to the ones who say they love me, you dont have to understand but accepting it would be nice...I guess the way I feel is everyone keeps bring up my past saying it was better you have no idea how miserable and unhappy I was having someone always over shadow you and make you feel not good enough, I only let you see what I wanted you to you dont truly fully dont know the reality or the truth to what was. You saw the outside of the show that was put on...that even I fell for, you all dont know how much I hurt from that, part of the reason why I am the way I am is because of all that no one understands me or how I operate, im fed up with everyones input. I'm looking for a way out.

Don't judge me now, i'm not trying to hurt you,

 I know this wont make you proud.

Did I let you down, are you ashamed of how I turned out

You see a monster I see a smile 

you say its danger and i'm in denial

somehow I feel so safe right now...

 so I guess i'm a fool.