all back.

" We were bigger than anything, remember us at our best."

I never thought in my wildest dreams I would be here, without you, you sheltered me from so much,made me who I am, you made me believe all people lie, cheat, hurt and truly sincerely have no feelings except for there own. You were the type who kicked me when I was down and if it didn't benefit you it didn't matter. While it was happening I was so blinded by your pretty words that I was deteriorating inside slowly but surely. I've learned a lot from you and you've also made me stronger I now know what I want and need, no hard feelings at the end of the day first love, first heartbreak, first meaning, first everything. Now i'm at a crossroad when is it appropriate to let go, when is enough really enough, when does the addiction, need, and want go away. I'm strung out waiting for another high in hopes that you'll call, and this time it will be different or maybe you'll actually get it but,than reality takes its course all that's been around is the downfall the withdraws,the feining for more. I don't think you'll ever truly understand what you were to me and have made me, you filled me with all these lies and fed my heart poison to were even if I finally did get it together, in that part of my life I could never open that part of me ever again. You shut me off, i'm checked out of love, this sickness i've created inside of me, of needing you is taking over every part of me i've drowned myself in endless bottles, and smoked to the point of choking on tears with thoughts of you. The love we shared it was love at one point when it became unhealthy and reckless i couldn't tell you it flashed before my eyes when was it ever about me all i know is what we had was different cause im still here and i know your still there you tell me your not ready but im use to it i don't know what you want from me have you really made me believe that i have to have the bad to have the good i know theres more to it we had love and every aspect of it in a song the introduction was every word i felt and flashed back to a memory 4 out of the 7 were bad "its like screaming and no one can hear you almost feel ashamed that someone can be that important that w/o them you feel like nothing no one will ever understand how much it hurts you feel hopeless but nothing can save you and than when its over than its gone you almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back so you can have the good " i think of all the bad and after all those thing happened there were good is that what we were i know we were young but i know somewhere in there you loved me and what we had was real i wanna forgive you for making me feel this anger and animosity towards you it just blows my mind that i can love you so much and be here and to me i feel like you feel as if i was never a factor in your life for the past 4 years as if i was non existent how can someone turn so cold when all i ever did was love and keep loving you i was there from the beginning you forgot i supported all your hopes and dreams that was me who listened to you cry lent you the money gave you the love i was there every step of the way so now if you really wanna act like it was never me i was never there,and if someday we cross paths again and you see me coming do me the favor of turning the other way and not acknowledge me cause surely it will hurt me deeper than it will to you, but I cant stop thinking of you, ever corner i turn i think of you on my walks at the lake i think of you that parking spot that store that restaurant that song that smell that feel that feeling i miss us ill never know what really happen to us they say distance makes the heart grown fonder the proper terminology according to us was more around the basis of out of sight out of mind I miss you stranger cant imagine were you drifted off too…but I want it all back.